Wadsworth flicked the lights off, filling the house with complete and utter blackness, causing screams of surprise and shock to scatter throughout the drained dinner party.
“So who’s the killer?” asked everyone, all at once and all very loudly.
” Who is it? Tell us!” they continued, giving exactly no time for him to respond.
“FOR CHRISTS SAKE” Wadsworth shouted, which finally blessed the room with silence, “You’re all daft, aren’t you!”
The room, shockingly, remained quiet
He continued “Well. I’ll walk you through it one more time, slowly this time. The first victim, Mr. Boddy, was grazed by a bullet, after which he pretended to be dead. The room was pitch dark, which makes the likelihood of any contact with a specific target very slim. Who could possibly have had the training that would allow them to even make contact with Mr. Boddy?”
All eyes turned to Colonel Mustard, all feet shifted away from him suspiciously. He started t speak, indignantly, but was interrupted by Wadsworth once more.
“The next victim, Mrs. Ho, found stabbed and shoved in a cupboard. The murder had to take place while we were making sure Yvette was okay, and the only person not accounted for at that point was the, supposedly dead, Mr. Boddy. He stumbled into the kitchen, hell-bent on revenge on all of us, forgetting about Mrs. Ho, who has a strict moral code and a very loud scream. He grabbed a knife, then saw her, with her back turned, and had to act quickly. He stabbed her in the back, then shoved her into the cupboard where she remained.”
“But then how did Mr. Boddy die?” asked Professor Plum
“Elementary, my dear Watson!” cried Wadsworth “We discovered Mrs. Ho in the cupboard, completely panicked, and spent a solid, oh, minute and a half standing the kitchen panicking. The most logical answer is that Yvette, who knew from her powerful eavesdropping capabilities that Boddy was sick and tired of Mrs. Ho and her cooking, and had expressed interest in ‘getting rid of her’. Well, immediately after seeing that, Yvette sprinted back to the parlor and grabbed the first weapon she laid eyes on, the lead pipe. She saw Mr. Boddy slip into the bathroom to wash up and hide himself, and followed him in and bludgeoned him to death, then rejoined us before we even NOTICED that she was gone!” Wadsworth paused to take a breath.
“Well what’s next, what happens next??” cried Mrs. Scarlet!
“Hell lady, gimme a minute to breath, I’m not the only one who can deduce things.” After taking an exaggerated minute to breathe, Wadsworth continued. “I’m surprised you were the one to beg me to continue, considering what you and I both know comes next.”
Everyone shuffled away from Mrs. Scarlet, who stood, shocked and appalled.
“And what exactly is that meant to mean, butler?” she asked, emphasizing and venomizing final word.
“Don’t play sly, murderer” Wadsworth said “You killed Yvette because you were madly in love with Mr. Boddy! God knows what you saw in him, likely some twisted form of Stockholm Syndrome.”
“I did no such thing and I am shocked, appalled, and frankly, DISGUSTED that you would accuse me of being in love with that disgusting excuse of a man.” Cried Mrs. Scarlet
“Well its the only thing that fits, and additionally-” He started to speak, but was cut off by the the parlor door being straight up kicked down. Everybody turned and faced it, only to see…
MR. BODDY
Standing behind him were all the rest of the murder victims, although there was something just a little bit off about them.
“MR. BODDY?!” shouted everyone, in eerily perfect unison.
“In the flesh.” Boddy stated, amused.
“But, you were dead, we saw you dead, I know who killed you! I know who killed all of you!” said Wadsworth, stumbling over his words in his confusion.
“Didn’t you ever wonder what I did with all that money I was extorting from you? This house didn’t cost THAT much money.” He paused dramatically before continuing. “Although I love blackmail, my first love is SCIENCE. Ever since I was a boy, I’ve loved science, especially the more back alley experiments, the kind that aren’t necessarily ‘ethical’” he said, exaggerating air quotes around the word ethical. I’ve wanted to conquer death since I was a boy, and I’ve finally done it! The person you killed was actually my twin brother, who I was willing to put in danger because I had finally figured it out. How to bring people back. I brought you all here together because I knew that given the opportunity, you would all lose your you-know-what and kill somebody, giving me the perfect opportunity to test my new technology.”
“You created ZOMBIES” cried everyone, except not in unison, in a clamber of volumes and voices and tones.
“No, I’ve conquered death! And they obey my every beck and call! Watch! GO GET ‘EM BOYS!”
The small army of the undead lurch forward, with surprising speed and agility for what were essentially zombies.
Cue a Scooby Doo-style montage of all the guests being chased in and out of the rooms by the zombies, slowly getting picked off one by one is various comedic cartoony, cartoon violence manners, until they are all gone and the only one left is Mr. Boddy.
“Good job my pets! Together we will rule the world! Rule it! Mwahahahahahahah!”
Mr. Boddy gets so caught up in his evil plan and laughter that he doesn’t notice all his creations surrounding him maliciously. He doesn’t notice until its too late and he too gets got by the zombies. Final scene: freeze frame with all of the victims in a jumping group high five, the screen receding inwards on the scene until its all black. “fin” scrolls across the screen in a pretty cursive font.
officially ends